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10/07/2002 (interview with Gal Gonad)

What has the band been up to since the last interview three years ago and how do you think the music scene has changed in that time?

The music scene will never change. Same shit, different labels.With the band, Clyde has sold out and is busy producing Right Said Fred – honestly (the poor bastards - we’ve heard his work and he couldn’t produce shite after a dose of salts and a gallon of vindaloo.) Plus, tragically, we’ve had to sack Rockin’ Kev for joining Saxon. That’s true too! Just because it’s his livelihood, the Derby-supporting soap-dodging bastard blew out Blackpool, so he’s out.

Which bands do you plan to catch when you are at Holidays In the Sun, and are there any you will be avoiding with a barge pole?

Cock Sparrer, cos they’re the second greatest band in the world, plus The Business and Special Duties (but only because they’ll be too pissed to play at midnight.) We’re all fans of Test Tube Babies and the Templars too. We’ll also be staging an ugliness contest between Mensi, Steve LeMacq and Si Spanner’s wart-encrusted scrotum (which is 20-1 outsider).

What is the best gig the Gonads have ever done and who else was on the line-up?

It was 1982 at the Barrier Arms public house, Charlton, in front of 300 Gonads home fans all the way from the East Stand. We were sharing the bill with the Blood, Frankie ‘boy’ Flame, Judge Dread and Garry Johnson. Not since Gus Ellen’s death has cockney culture been celebrated so richly.

Is there any band you would feel particularly honoured if they covered a Gonads song? If so, who?

What about that nice Will boy from Pop Idol? We’d like to see him and Charlotte Church team up and do a slushy full-string orchestrated lite-operatic version of that delicate love song Anal Intruder….Seriously, Alconaut has got Ozzy Osbourne written all the way through it in bat’s blood and syphilitic piss. But if Green Day, Blink 182, the Macc Lads, Maiden and all the other also-rans got on their knees and begged our permission (and offered enough cash and crumpet inducements) then we’d give ’em the go-ahead. We’re always ready to help those unfortunate individuals less gifted than ourselves.

What is your favourite compilation album the Gonads have appeared on?

Carry on oi! no contest.

What is the best sentence you have ever heard, that someone has managed to get into a song's lyrics?

Apart from the life sentence on Ian Brady, the obvious answer is Nutter – cos the lyrics are all based on real dialogue from South London chaps. But watch out for new song, Web Mistress Please, with its quotes from a certain R. Pollard. They may be imagined but they’re the best sentence we’ve heard for years.

Tell the readers five facts about the band / band members they will not know.

5) The Gonads road crew once kicked the shit out of the Chelsea Headhunters (or was it the Chelsea pensioners?).

4) Even ugly girls have a chance with us.

3) We all agree that the original Darren on Bewitched was the best

2) Played backwards, Clyde’s end vocals on Unky Bunk actually say “Thank god Gal is so good-looking and talented.”

1) We mean it mannn (but only after closing time on Saturday night).

Plans, gigs and releases planned for 2002.

We’ve got enough new songs for a new CD and once Clyde has finished f***ing about with the Freds we will record them and play some gigs. Honest. We’ve recruited mad Lizzy on keyboards and we’re looking for female backing vocalists too.

Any final comments?

You cynics all LAUGHED when we said we’d be playing Blackpool. But wait till you see us. You won’t be laughing then….

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Please note that the opinions expressed by band members does not necessarily reflect the views of this website. Punk & Oi in the UK Limited are in no way liable for comments made by interviewees.